30th Jul

My journey of motherhood

9 years ago I had my first baby. I look at him now, running around our garden with his friends, with his lean body, big stride and I almost can’t believe that he was ever cradled in my arms, warm and safe.

On every birthday of my children I think back to the day they came into this world. I try and remember what exactly I was doing. How I was feeling. Who I was and how incredibly much I have changed.

My first born was a ‘textbook birth’. Laboured 16hrs and he was born after what seemed like hours of pushing. As he slipped into my arms, a perfect, healthy baby I had no idea how much he would change me as a woman. The instant love and protection I felt for him was incredible, I had never felt anything like it.

It was a textbook birth, he was a textbook baby. I read books about breastfeeding, sleeping and settling routines. Never really questioned friends’ advice. He was the perfect first baby as he just went along with whatever I was introducing. I didn’t stop and question things. Until I fell pregnant again.

I wanted to take the upcoming birth of my second baby into my own hands a bit more. Explore what worked well and not so well for my last birth. I realized with every phone call to my previous care providers that unless I came in and did as I was told I needed to go and birth somewhere else. And so I did. I found a hospital that was flexible enough to accept my wishes. And I had my daughter. The shock of having a newborn plus a toddler at home settled in fast and took hold of me for a while. I was craving to recreate what I had with my first, the endless amount of time and patience, the freedom and energy for endless rocking, settling and bouncing at night. But I was never going to be able to relive that.

We struggled with sleep routines, breastfeeding and later on food. I felt like I was always one step behind and could never really catch up.

I remember the day things started to change for me. I was on the phone to a food consultant as my daughter was struggling with her tummy aches. It felt like something inside me flicked a switch.

In the next year I grew into a more confident mother. I started questioning some things. Started asking why. Whenever I wasn’t sure I started to go inward and listen to my gut and work out what my instincts were telling me and 99% of the time it led me to the right path.

The birth of my third baby was as perfect as I had always wanted it to be. With him my life went from pretty busy to complete chaos. I temporarily lost the connection with my husband but grew so much as a mother. My kids needed me and I knew it and not a day went past where I didn’t give my all. And I still do.

I grew a little bit more into the role of being a mother with all 3 of my babes. With every single one I changed, grew more confident, found my niche in the crowd. I worked out my values and what I am flexible with and which situations I wouldn’t barge on. It has gotten me this far and I feel like I am still learning, still questioning, still growing.

9 years ago, my beautiful baby changed my life. One day at a time. Its him I have to thank for showing me what’s important in life. I know he is now slowly growing into a stage that feels unknown and scary to me! I am glad I have him, his gentle soul, to guide the way as by the time my last one hits this stage I will be completely capable and confident! And if I am ever unsure, I go within and take my time to listen to my instincts.


Northern Beaches
NSW 2107